An outdoorsy couple lived near Anchorage. One morning, the wife said she was going kayaking in the bay. The husband told her to be careful. When she didn’t return that night, he called the authorities, who searched the bay. They next day, two state troopers appeared at his door. “We have some bad news for you, some good news, and some great news.” “What’s the bad news?” asked the husband, steeling himself. “Your wife drowned in the bay.” “What’s the good news?” he asked. “When we pulled her up, there were a dozen king crabs and 8 Dungeness crabs clinging…

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were getting cold so they decided to light a fire in their boat. It promptly sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. (See, I told you it was bad…)

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce Indian tribe. The chief comes to them and says, “The bad news is that now that we’ve caught you, we’re going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a kayak. The good news is that you get to choose how you die.” The Frenchman says, “I take ze poison.” The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, “Vive la France!” and drinks it down. The Englishman says, “A pistol for me, please.” The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his…

While paddling off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his kayak. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted “Are there any gators around here?!” “Naw” the man hollered back, “they ain’t been around for years!” Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy “How’d you get rid of the gators?” “We didn’t do nothin’,” the beachcomber said. “The sharks got ’em.” Unknown Author

The bartender Lars asked Ole, “Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a kayak?” “No, I don’t,” said Ole. “A kayak will sometimes tip,” explained Lars. Unknown Author

Even today, the Eskimo displays very little gustatory qualm. Near Fort Chimo, Quebec, I was offered a snack of, I thought, crowberries. One taste told me the truth. They weren’t crowberries, but caribou droppings cooked in seal fat. I declined any more. The man who offered them to me shrugged and continued to pop them into his mouth like salted peanuts. – from the introduction to “A Kayak Full of Ghosts Eskimo Tales”, gathered and retold by Lawrence Milman